


The Decimation

by BeccaAnne814



Series: Steve Rogers x Reader Series [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Sadness, cursing, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21692335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccaAnne814/pseuds/BeccaAnne814
Summary: The Decimation ripped a hole through the entire universe.  Even if the ones remaining can find a way to fix what Thanos did, will they ever be able to get over it?
Relationships: Steve Rogers x Reader
Series: Steve Rogers x Reader Series [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/774303
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	The Decimation

**Steve Rogers x Reader**

**Summary** – The Decimation ripped a hole through the entire universe. Even if the ones remaining can find a way to fix what Thanos did, will they ever be able to get over it?

**Warnings** – Angst, Sadness, Major Character Death, Endgame Spoilers…probably a curse word or two

**Word Count** – 6.1K

**Notes **\- Parts 1 - 6 of 6

** _**Updated September 26, 2019**_ **

_ ** [Masterlist](https://beccaanne814.tumblr.com/post/174989754188/masterlist) ** _

[[MORE]]

People always said that your life would pass before your eyes as you were dying, but YN had never had any reason to wonder if it that true or not. She'd been too busy living to spend much time worrying about dying. Perhaps with her chosen career field, she should have given that a little more thought. If anyone would have asked her how she would've like to go out, she would have told them that she hoped it was in a blaze of glory. That's what all heroes wanted, right? To die in battle, possibly even saving the life of a fellow soldier in arms.

Watching the people she'd come to trust and love over the past few years turn to dust and float away on the wind wasn't a heroes death—it was just senseless death. They'd fought so hard. They'd done everything they knew how to do to stop him—but it wasn't enough. None of them had been prepared for the raw power he held in his hands. None of them had been prepared to deal with the consequences of losing the one battle they couldn't afford to lose.

For just a moment, she remembered the old adage of seeing the entirety of your life before your death, but it was quickly replaced by the memories she so desperately wanted to cling to. They passed by so quickly it was almost like a blur, but there were a few that were too powerful to be ignored.

They'd just won the battle of New York and for a brief moment, they'd all thought Tony had died saving the world. He'd proved them wrong that day—and so many days after that. When he'd suggested they'd all go out for Shawarma, they all shared a look as they wondered if Tony had hit his head a little too hard. 

The restaurant was barely standing—overturned chairs and broken glass littered the floor, but the owners had been more than happy to feed the heroes that had saved the city. It was the first time their little rag-tag group had truly been a family. YN remembered the feeling of sitting around the table and just eating. None of them said a word, but it was in that moment that they knew they could count on any person sitting at that table to have their back.

The Shawarma restaurant began to blur in her mind's eye but it was a subtle shift from that table to the one in the Tower where they'd spent so many nights together. This memory wasn't as vivid as the one after the Battle of New York, but instead it was a like a slide show in her mind of all the times they'd gathered around to eat, or plan a mission, or to just simply play a board game. It didn't really matter what they were doing, but that they were doing it together because that's what families did.

She could feel the tears in her eyes and as one slowly slid down her cheek, her mind shifted yet again. Just like every other memory, they were all together. If she'd had to really think about it, that would have meant something to her, but time was moving far too quickly for her to have the luxury of circumspection. It was a warm summer day at the compound upstate and they were all celebrating something, but she couldn't remember what it was. What stood out for her that day was when they'd all decided to jump into the lake fully dressed. It was reckless and juvenile, but they'd just returned from a grueling mission and they'd all deserved to let go of their responsibilities for one day and just have fun.

She'd been wearing that dress—the one she'd picked up in the second-hand shop in the little town a few miles from the compound. It was long and white, and looked like something from the set of Downton Abbey. She remembered the way the water had caught the hem and pooled it around her knees as she waded through the shallows.

As her memories continued to pour through her mind, she knew the end was coming soon. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up to see who would be greeting her once she reached the other side. The familiar green eyes were a balm to her soul, and she was glad that she wouldn't be alone, even if it meant her friend—her sister—would be stuck in hell with her.

Everyone always assumed that death was the opposite of the life, and that death occurred when the soul left the body. In most cases, it was the body that gave out first—forcing the soul to depart. What did you call it, then, when your soul was ripped from you but your heart still continued to beat? Was that not a form of death as well?

YN looked around at what was left of her family. They'd been beaten and it showed on their weary faces. The ones that had been taken by the snap were spared the heartache that accompanied death, but for those that remained, death would haunt them until He decided to come for them as well.

His hands were shaking as cupped them under the warm stream of water from the sink. Since that day in Wakanda, he couldn't seem to get them to stop trembling. His nerves were shot, and he felt like he was out of answers—if he'd ever had any to begin with.

Staring down at the warm water slowly pooling within his hands, he took a few shaky breaths. Things were changing so quickly, he wasn't sure he would be able to keep up. All he knew was that they had to keep going. They had to keep trying to undo what had been done.

Taking the handful of water, he splashed it on his face to help him clear his thoughts. As he looked up and faced the man staring back at him in the mirror, he realized that he didn't recognize himself anyone. Who was the man with the shaggy hair and beard looking back at him? He'd originally grown out his hair so he'd be a little less recognizable, and because it was easier to let his normal grooming habits die while he'd been on the run, but he no longer had those excuses to fall back on anymore.

He ran a hand down his damp beard before meeting his own gaze in the mirror again. He looked so old—so beaten and run down. The past few weeks had been hard on all of them, but he felt the strain more than the others since he was supposed to be their leader. His eyes had always held such confidence and assurance, but now he felt as lost and alone as he had after his mom had died. At least back then he'd had Bucky. 

Bucky.

Steve shook his head. What cruel twist of fate had seen fit to make him lose his best friend, not once, but twice? He felt his hands start to shake again, so he reached out to turn off the faucets just so he could have something to do with them. He was trying to keep his head up around the team, but he knew they were all suffering as much as he was, so it was no use pretending. But pretend they did.

They'd all lost someone close to them, and each of them was dealing with their pain in their own way. Nat was spending more time training, Bruce was trying to keep a record of who they'd lost, Rhodey was coordinating with what was left of the U.S. Government, Thor was spending a lot of time by himself, and YN was focusing her efforts on keeping them all together as a family. As for him, he'd done what Sam had always wanted him to do—he'd found a support group. No one on the team knew about it—not even YN—but he'd convinced himself that it helped him to cope with the responsibilities of the team.

But now everything had changed.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he focused on the newest development. He wasn't entirely sure he was ready to trust the woman that had shown up out of the blue, but Fury had trusted her. Fury had used his last moments on earth to send this woman a message, so he had to assume she was someone the former Director had thought could help.

She'd tried her best to explain who she was, and although he had no reason to believe her, he was sure she was telling the truth about her past. He'd seen the way she carried herself, so he was convinced she was being honest when she'd told them she was a former Air Force pilot—a Captain.

Carol Danvers had earned her Captain's bars whereas he'd been issued them along with the suit and shield. He'd spent most of his adult life trying to live up to the rank most people spent years trying to attain. As he stared in the mirror, he acknowledged the fact that he didn't look like a Captain, but maybe it was time to fix that.

Grabbing the razor, he willed his hands to stay still long enough for him to do what he should've done weeks ago. The world needed Captain America more so now than they ever had. His Nomad persona had served him well, but it was time to take up the shield again and save the world.

When Steve had emerged from the bathroom a few days prior looking like the man she'd fallen in love with rather than the homeless hobo he'd been for the past two years, she'd been shocked. The shock had faded fairly quickly and had been replaced with pride. 

Captain America was back.

He'd given up the shield to save Bucky, but now that his best friend was lost—again—it was time to don the suit again to save him. YN knew the superhero they'd all grown up loving had only put himself in harm's way during WWII for Bucky Barnes, so it was fitting that he'd do it again to save the one man who knew him better than he knew himself.

The team's attitude had completely changed the moment Steve had strode into the room with his back straight and his head held high. He had that effect on people, and YN was proud to admit that she loved seeing him confident and in charge.

But his air of authority only extended so far.

When he was alone, he became the sad, broken man who'd lost too much over the years. YN tried to soothe him, but there was little solace that she could offer him while she was dealing with her own guilt and grief.

She knew he kept secrets from her, and she tried not to let it bother her, but all too often, she failed. That was why when she saw him sneaking out of the Compound one afternoon, she made the knee-jerk decision to follow him.

Knowing that he'd pick up a tail the moment she got into a vehicle, she'd placed a tracking device on his bike long ago. She'd been tempted to follow him to the address that popped up every week at the same time on her device, but she trusted that whatever he was doing, it wasn't something she should be worried about. She felt guilty for keeping tabs on him, but after all they'd lost, she couldn't stand the thought of not knowing where he was and that he was safe.

Waiting until his bike was at the same coordinates as always, she left the Compound and made her way to where he was. When she pulled up in front of the deserted elementary school, her brow furrowed in confusion. Why was he here?

She crept inside and followed the sound of voices. At the entryway to the auditorium, there was a sign taped to the wall. "Where do we go, now that they're gone?"

As she listened to man speaking in the room beyond, it suddenly became clear to her what was going on. 

This was a therapy group. 

Her heart broke as she realized that Steve must have kept this from her—from all of them—so they wouldn't think less of him for his grief.

"Captain Rogers?" a voice asked. "Would you like to share today?"

YN stood in the hallway and held her breath. She wasn't sure she was ready to hear what he'd say, but her feet were rooted to the ground and she couldn't have moved if she'd wanted to.

"The serum," he began with a sigh. "Everyone thinks it only affected my body, but that's not true—it affected my mind as well. 

"I've always been able to see things differently from others. My mother told me it was the sign of a true artist, but that's a whole other story. The point is, the serum turned the way I see things—the way I remember them—into something even I don't understand half the time.

"My memories aren't like they were before. Now when I remember something, I can literally see it playing out before me like a movie. It's like my mind is my own personal IMAX theater."

He sighed again and YN could imagine him dropping his head the way he did when he was overwhelmed and she wanted so badly to go to him and wrap her arms around him. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but she couldn't. She had no idea if anything would ever be okay again, and he didn't need false platitudes—he needed to come to terms with his grief.

"You can imagine how horrible my memories are of that day," he said after a few beats. "We all lost someone—that's why we're here—but most people's memories fade over time and the hurt and grief begin to fade as well.

"That's not how it works for me. I see it all happening again and again and there's nothing I can do to stop it, or change it. There's nothing I can do to fix it."

"It's not your fault, Steve," the unknown voice said. 

"It was my job to protect the world," Steve argued. "And I failed. When it mattered the most, I failed."

YN heard a multitude of voices murmuring in opposition to his words. She had no idea who these people were, but she was instantly grateful for them. The team had told him time and time again that he wasn't to blame, but they were his friends. To hear that the rest of the world didn't blame him for what had happened must be a monumental relief to his guilt-ridden mind.

She wasn't sure if he was going to recount the experience of losing his loved ones, but YN knew she didn't want to stick around to hear it. Her memory may not be photographic like Steve's, but the version of events she remembered hadn't faded in the slightest, and she didn't need any more images to add to the already horrific ones that played on a loop in her dreams.

Slipping as quietly from the building as she'd come, she made her way to the SUV and started back toward the Compound. She was glad she'd followed Steve to the group therapy session, even if it was a violation of his privacy. Just knowing that he had people to talk to gave her a sense of peace she hadn't had before. She wished he would talk to her, but maybe she was too close to it all to truly help him process it.

Pulling into the garage, she shut off the engine and sat in the car for a moment. From what she could tell, this was the first day he'd spoken at the group, so maybe this meant he was ready to start moving forward. There was no moving on for them—it was only forward. The team was finally back together and they had the beginnings of a plan. It wasn't much, but it was more than they'd had a few days ago. It was hope, and hope was something all too rare these days.

The whole world was celebrating. No, that wasn't right, YN thought to herself. The whole universe was celebrating, but they didn't realize what it had cost to bring them the happiness they were all feeling at the moment. 

But YN did.

Steve did.

Every hero that had been on that battlefield did.

The list of people who were guilt-ridden and suffering immense grief at this very moment was small in comparison to the trillions that had been brought back with Nat and Tony's sacrifices. Untold numbers would never know who had laid their lives on the line so they could be reunited with their families, but the group of people who'd just laid their friends to rest would never forget them.

Seeing people out in the streets laughing and crying tears of joy almost seemed like an insult to the ones who were still struggling to come to terms with what had truly happened. The news had run a few specials detailing the events that had miraculously brought back the missing after five years, but they failed to grasp the scope of what it had taken for them to see their hopes become a reality.

Every time YN looked at Pepper and Morgan, her heart broke a little, and then she'd look at Steve and the rest would shatter into a million pieces. Pepper had lost Tony twice since this had all happened, and it just wasn't fair. YN felt the weight of Tony's loss, but it wasn't the same, especially since the man she loved was still by her side—and had been by her side the entire time.

Pepper had offered to let YN and Steve stay with her and Morgan, and YN almost refused, but she could see that the new widow didn't want to be alone, so she and Steve decided to stay until they could find a place of their own. The Compound was pretty much a loss, but the team was determined to rebuild. It would take months, if not years, to haul away the rubble and then rebuild, but Pepper had declared it was what Tony would've wanted, so she was sparing no expense. 

As she lie in Steve's arms in the guest bedroom of Pepper and Tony's house on the lake, she heard a sound she couldn't identify. "What was that?"

"Fireworks," Steve said, his voice tinged with a bit of shock.

YN didn't know what to say. A part of her wanted to scream at the injustice of it all, but another part realized that this was the exact reason they'd risked their lives in the first place. People were happy and they deserved to celebrate, even if she and the rest of her friends were still wallowing in their misery.

Steve was the first to break the silence after a while. "Did I ever tell you the story about me and fireworks?"

She smiled as she tipped her head back to look at him. "No you haven't."

A soft knock sounded at the door. YN and Steve shared a confused look before YN called out for whomever was on the other side to come in.

Neither one of them were expecting to see Morgan peering into the room with her father's amber colored eyes brimming with tears. YN was up and out of the bed in an instant.

"Is everything okay, sweetie?"

Morgan shook her head. "I had a bad dream and I can't find Mommy."

"I think she went down to the lake," Steve said as he sat up in bed.

Another firework went off and Morgan jumped. YN instinctively pulled the scared little girl into her arms. "Mommy went for a walk. Why don't you stay here with us for a little while."

"Okay," Morgan said as she wrapped her arms around YN's neck and hid her face from the loud pops and bangs outside the window.

"Steve was just getting ready to tell me a story," she told the little girl as she picked her up and carried her to the chair by the window. "Would you like to hear it?"

Steve got up and opened the curtain so they could look out at the dazzling light display over the lake. "Have you ever seen fireworks before?" he asked Morgan.

She shook her head and he reached out to brush a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I know they seem kind of scary at first because they're so loud, but when you look at them you realize how pretty they are," he told her as he pointed out the window. Morgan chanced a glance and Steve saw the moment her fear turned to wonder.

"I was scared of fireworks when I was about your age," he began as he sat on the floor and continued looking out the window. "I used to live in a big city, so I could never see them from my window—all I ever heard was the noise. It wasn't until my best friend took me to Coney Island for my birthday one year that I realized there was nothing to be afraid of."

"Were the fireworks for your birthday?" Morgan asked.

Steve smiled at her. "It's funny you ask, because that's exactly what my friend told me that night. See, my birthday is on the 4th of July. . ."

"Daddy always makes cheeseburgers on 4th July," Morgan interrupted with a sad smile.

"Of course he does," YN said as tears began to fill her eyes. 

"Did your Daddy tell you that the 4th of July is a special holiday for America?" Steve asked.

"It's 'Merica's birthday," Morgan said with an air of authority only the child of Tony Stark could pull off at such a young age.

"Yes it is," Steve agreed. "But when I was your age, I didn't really understand that. So, my friend, Bucky, decided to tell me that the fireworks were for me so I wouldn't be scared of them anymore."

Morgan pointed toward the window. "Are these for you, too? Is today your birthday?"

YN saw the tears in Steve's eyes, and she was glad she wasn't the only one crying.

"No, sweetie," Steve told her as he brushed a hand over her cheek. "These are for your daddy."

YN saw movement in the doorway and wasn't surprised to find Pepper leaning against the jamb listening to the story. When Morgan spotted her, she crawled out of YN's lap and ran to her mother. 

Pepper picked her up and gave them both a smile. "I saw the fireworks and thought she might get scared. Thanks for looking after her for me."

Steve rose and nodded. "Sure, anything you guys need."

"I think I'm going to take her outside to see them up close. Would you like to come with us?"

Steve and YN shared a look before walking over to join her. They'd learned early on that Pepper didn't make empty requests—if she asked them to do something with her it was because she truly wanted their company. Sometimes it was hard to face their guilt and grief head-on, but they knew as long as they leaned on one another, they'd get through it.

As they stood on the lakeshore and looked up at the firework display in the sky, Steve wrapped his arms around YN so that her back was snug against his chest. They watched as Morgan's face split into a grin when the grand finale began. It was the first time they'd seen the little girl smile since her father had died. It may not have been much, but it gave them hope that someday they might find their own happiness again.

It had been two years since Tony and Nat had died, and Pepper was holding a press conference to dedicate the new Avengers' Compound that had been rebuilt on the site of the old structure.

Steve stood off to the side and looked at the sprawling expanse laid out before them. Pepper had insisted on keeping the original design for the main building, but she'd added a few touches that she and Tony had always talked about changing. It was hard to look at the facility and not think of Tony—and Nat—but Steve forced a smile onto his face and tried to pretend his heart was ripping in two.

YN didn't have to look at Steve's glassy eyes to know what was going through his mind. She was struggling with the same emotions. Slipping her hand into his, she gave it a squeeze and saw the lines across his forehead ease a bit.

She wasn't surprised at the turnout for this unveiling, but it seemed too reminiscent of Tony's funeral for her taste. No one was dressed in black this time around, but as she scanned the faces of her friends, she saw the same looks of sadness that had been present that day at the lake two years ago. 

_Some people move on. But not us._

Those had been the words they'd all lived by for years after the Decimation, and they still held true years after. They'd lost the heart and soul of their team, and the scars were still too fresh to hide.

As they toured the new facility, YN couldn't help but remember what it had been like when Tony and Nat had been alive. There had been jokes and laughter, but now it seemed hollow and empty. Every nook and cranny held a memory and it was as though this place was haunted and YN knew they'd never truly forget the memories that had been made in this space together.

The press eventually left and those that remained all gathered in the same spot they'd always congregated. But instead of easy banter, there was awkward silence. They'd each moved on in their own way, and the tight-knit family they'd created was slowly coming apart at the seams.

YN knew that was the last thing Tony would've wanted, but she didn't know how to go about fixing what had been broken in his absence. They'd all come back together for Tony, but she knew they'd only be able to make the team work again if they all put forth the effort.

Even though no one wanted it to be so, there was a divide between them—those that had disappeared after Thanos, and those that had been left behind. There had been five years of heartache and strife for those that had remained, and it was hard to reconcile those feelings to the ones that had seemingly blinked away five years of their lives.

YN watched as the two groups separated of their own accord. It broke her heart to see Bucky, Sam, and Wanda standing off to themselves, and she hated the gulf that had formed between her and her closest friends. Somehow they'd gone from family to strangers without anyone realizing what had happened.

She just hoped that this new facility would be the bridge that could reconnect them all. It was a lot to ask of a building, but as she stood within its walls, she felt Tony and Nat around her. They'd been the glue that had held this family together, and as long as they never forgot their sacrifices, the team would eventually learn to put the pieces back together like they always did.

Five years.

They'd lost the ones they'd loved for five years, and now it had been five years since two of their own had sacrificed everything to bring those people back.

A lot can happen in five years.

The world had come to a standstill for the first five years after Thanos, but the past five years had seen a revitalization across the universe. It wasn't all sunshine and roses—there were still evil forces that felt they were owed their day in the sun, but bonds that had been broken were now stronger than ever.

But there was still pain for some of them.

YN hadn't exactly sneaked away, but she hadn't announced where she was going either. As the sun's rays began peeking over the horizon, she stood in front of the larger-than-life statue New York had erected in Tony's honor. 

The memorial was in the middle of a plaza near the old Avengers' Tower and from the few times YN had visited over the years, it seemed to be a place where young people gathered to play on their cellphones or hang out with their friends.

It was as though the world had forgotten Tony Stark.

The rest of them were doing their best to keep the world safe, but other heroes had emerged in the past few years and captivated audiences around the world. It was hard to remember the man who'd started it all when the media only focused on the newest and shiniest men and women who were out risking their lives. It wasn't a bad thing, but it was still sad.

She felt a presence behind her and wasn't surprised when a strong hand slipped into hers.

"I figured you'd be here," Steve murmured as he stood beside her and gazed up at the statue of their friend.

"Where else would I be today?" she asked as her throat tightened with pent-up emotion. "I put flowers on Nat's grave before I came."

"She deserves a statue of her own," Clint lamented as he joined them.

"We're working on it," Pepper said as she silently walked toward them with Morgan right beside her. "Ross is giving me fits—keeps bringing up the Red Room and HYDRA."

"You'll get it all figured out," Bruce assured her as he came up beside Clint.

One by one, all of the Avengers—new and old—showed up at the memorial to pay their respects to the man who'd brought them all together in the first place. The rest of the world may have forgotten Tony Stark, but they never would.

"We're still missing one," Rhodey said as he looked up toward the heavens.

"He might be too busy," Sam joked. "We can barely keep up here—he's got the whole universe to look out for."

They all followed Rhodey's gaze and none of them were surprised when a familiar ship began descending from the sky. The plaza wasn't exactly big enough for the Benatar, but Quill didn't care as he put the ship down right beside the statue.

"My friends," Thor exclaimed as he exited the ship with Carol and the Guardians. "It's been too long."

It had been a few months since they'd seen Thor or the others, so the somber atmosphere turned into a happy reunion as everyone took turns hugging and slapping the backs of the new arrivals.

They'd decided to head back to the Compound for breakfast, but YN, Pepper, and Morgan lingered for a few moments. 

"He'd have wanted us to celebrate," Steve reminded them.

Pepper wiped away a tear and nodded. "He loved any excuse for a party."

Steve stood behind YN and wrapped his arms around her waist as he looked up at the statue. "The world is a better place because of him and Nat."

"The world is starting to forget," YN said with a sigh as she reached for Pepper's hand. "And maybe it's time for them to move on."

"But we never will," Pepper said, reading YN's mind.

She nodded. "But we never will."

** _~ The End ~_ **

______________________

_Author's Note: Thank you for reading Day 269 of my writing challenge. I hope you enjoyed it! I realize I'm ending this one on a sad note, but I felt like it was fitting. Losing Tony and Nat has been hard on this fandom, but I know we'll be the ones that will never forget them. There will always be new heroes, but we're the ones that have loved Tony and Nat from the beginning, so we feel their deaths harder than those that will come along in later years. I'm excited to see where the MCU goes from here, but there will always be a part of me that will miss the Original Six. What about you? Do you ever think there'll be a time when we don't cry over the ones we lost? I look forward to your comments, and if you enjoyed this story, please consider reblogging!_


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